Sleepy Head

Im up, sitting on my bed, enjoying the feeling of my fluffy cloud-like down comforter. I'm watching Win a Date with Tad Hamilton and waiting for Chris to get home and call me. I've been home sick all day with a sinus infection. Antibiotics: 3 pills a day. I think they're helping already. :) 

I got to visit on the phone with my friend Jessica from Euroquest tonight. I feel like my heart was a flower bed and talking with her was like watering it. :) I feel happy, and Im thinking about all the amazing Jesus filled experiences I've had. Getting to know Him is the most exciting adventure, the most amazing way to spend a life. A life fulfilled is a life spent seeking God.

I wonder if I kept this in mind everyday if I would live differently. Im sure that I would.

I know I don't think of Him enough everyday. Being a big sick baby today, my mind was on whatever was playing on BRAVO! I went downstairs today around 7 because I had a pounding headache and thought of going to sleep. Rather, I ended up playing piano for a while. There is nothing that feeds my soul and ignites my heart more than music, especially music in worship. I was wondering why the Lord would allow me to get sick when I was going to lead worship tonight, but I realized that maybe if I'd been gone, the Lord wouldn't have sent the beautiful words to finish the song he had laid on my heart months ago. I sometimes get discouraged when I watch shows like American Idol, and for some reason, think that this is the talent I need to succeed in the world of music if I'm going to pursue it. I want the Lord to show me even more that if I'm surrendered to Him, if music is what he wants for me, then NOTHING will be able to keep me from fulfilling that. :) I need to remember that music, singing and worship ignites my heart.

If it ignites my heart, It might be what I'm made for. 

I love Jesus and Chris! :) 

MESS

over. it.

I know I'm not reacting the way I should right now. I'm probably being just as immature as Matt is being. I'm just over it.

I'm really tired of people making claims about my character over the stupidest things. 

I haven't behaved in the way I should.

I feel like I try so hard in every area of my life to do the important things and be good . When someone starts saying im a bad person, that I do "ugly" things to people and they thought I was "Better than that" it just really pisses me off.

It's opened a whole door of sh**. It feels like the same hurt that cory and beka did; a reopened wound that wasn't healed completely. I feel like a big mix of emotions since I shouldn't care what a vague/distant "friend" thinks, that it shouldn't affect me like it does, but it still feels like he's getting away with the same stupid thing that youth pastors of yesteryear have gotten away with. I know that holding someone in unforgiveness only harms me and not dealing with it makes me look stupid. But I don't feel ready to deal at the moment. I know that I need to be to work tomorrow and that I should be sleeping. I am really hurt and I repent for not letting God come in in the first place. Part of me hasn't had anything to be mad at anyone about for a while and it feels like I have some control over it, it makes me feel powerful. But anger isn't power and I know that.

I'm sorry Lord. Forgive me for the things I'm doing wrong. Come in and do your will, help me be open to your will. Help me be submitted to you and walking in your love. 

i love you, lord.

rach 

Psalm 57

1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, 
       for in you my soul takes refuge. 
       I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings 
       until the disaster has passed.

 ² I cry out to God Most High, 
       to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me.

 ³ He sends from heaven and saves me, 
       rebuking those who hotly pursue me; 
       Selah 
       God sends his love and his faithfulness.

 ⁴ I am in the midst of lions; 
       I lie among ravenous beasts— 
       men whose teeth are spears and arrows, 
       whose tongues are sharp swords.

 ⁵ Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; 
       let your glory be over all the earth.

 ⁶ They spread a net for my feet— 
       I was bowed down in distress. 
       They dug a pit in my path— 
       but they have fallen into it themselves. 
       Selah

 ⁷ My heart is steadfast, O God, 
       my heart is steadfast; 
       I will sing and make music.

 ⁸ Awake, my soul! 
       Awake, harp and lyre! 
       I will awaken the dawn.

 ⁹ I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; 
       I will sing of you among the peoples.

 ¹⁰ For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; 
       your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

 ¹¹ Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; 
       let your glory be over all the earth.

*sigh*

I'm tired 

I feel a little better...

These have helped me feel a little bit better:

http://www.howtodothings.com/automotive/a4722-how-to-drive-a-stick-shift-car.html

-and-

http://www.epinions.com/content_2037555332

The second one made me feel like I had a nice friend patting my back saying, "It'll be okay..."  Which at this point, I need since I'm a little scared with my decision of a stick shift car. But I know that there are a lot of pros to it.

Well, first. God totally provided this car. The car was selling for $5000 (kbb at 5200) I guess the owners had received many calls and the lady's husband was set on 5000. Well, we offered 4200 and what'd the guy say? "We can do that, it'll even out" (the cost of their new car and getting 800 less than they intended) 

So that shows me that YES! God has saved this car for me. I love it! It's my favorite color, it's little, it gets great gas mileage and has good crash test ratings. I love it.

Next,  learning how to drive a stick will enable me to drive ANY car. This isnt' a skill I'll lose...I'll have the ability to drive a stick shift. In some countries, all they have are sticks. On the mission field, if God provides a stick car, then I'll know how to drive it.

It'll help me understand cars better, pay more attention while I drive, as well as get me a little better gas mileage. My car gets 30-35. It's probably at 30 now because of all my stopping, starting & killing it! Eeeep. 

I filled it up (it was about a gallon or 2 away from empty) and it only cost me $19. Praise the Lord! So i'll be able to drive all month for probably 50 or 60 bucks, rather than 160 like when I had my jeep.

I hear it's more fun too. At this point, i feel crazy. But I need to give myself room to learn. :) 

*sigh*

I wanna go to bed now. Hah. 

P.s. I love Jesus & Chris. :) 

lesson

Stick driving lesson #3 with dad. So stressful I could cry. My neck is so tense it's giving me a headache already. I really appreciate Dad's help and him taking to time to teach me. However, he is not an extremely patient teacher. 

So. I'm a little stressed & overwhelmed. But I LOVE my new car. :)

Fern. 2000 Honda Civic Ex Coupe. :) 19 dollars to fill up WOOP 

Days of Trust

Romans 15:13

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

I'm trusting the Lord again today. I found what I think is the perfect car. But my parents only can pay 800 less than they're offering it for. They love the Lord and know Ian & Kristy...maybe it's the Lord's will and will bless both of us out of this deal. Your will be done, God.  :/ I need to not worry.