"Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory." (Romans 5:1-2) (emphasis mine)
The last few days, I've been drowning in worry and fear. I'm walking in limited mobility, hanging onto what I think I know I should fear. The future, my uncertainty, and ultimately, my huge fear of failure. Tonight, I've been in search of God's peace. My goal of "Read every peace verse in the Bible" turned into reading just that one up there. The words confident and joyful wouldn't be words I'd use to describe myself lately. I've been struggling with finding joy in my day to day life. "Where are you, God?!" "Where is the excitement?!" I've been saying. So i'm definitely not con (with) fident (faith) lately. Especially not in myself. And that's been leading to my lack of confidence in God. Which i don't want.
I Trust You, GOD! I believe you can do what you say! I know that I need to get my eyes off of just what I can see and onto the GREATNESS of who you are, because that I have not forgotten, Lord I pray I NEVER forget that.
I wrote in my journal tonight, "Don't focus on things of this world"
i could worry about everything, in light of life, I should worry about things because peace only comes from you God. You are the only place I find peace.
Thankyou, God, for being so patient with me as I walk through this with you. Help me find beauty every day. Help me see you and seek you everyday. I don't want to live a humdrum life. I want passion for you, with you, passionate love with you. I want to find that passionate love with Chris, too, as we both seek You separately and together. I want what you have. Help me trust you. Help me trust you, Help me trust you.
Help me relax while I wait for your direction. Show me each day what to do. Help me love more, help me criticize less and encourage more. Help me look at you, look at others, look at me. In that order, God. Help me be real. Help me not have these high standards on myself. Even now, i'm thinking of what I've written here and criticizing myself and doubting any legitimacy in the things I feel. Thank you for finding importance in me. Thank you for letting me stand in undeserved privilege. Help me walk in your love and love from you.
I lift up to you everyone I love, everyone I care about, everyone that needs You, God. Be with them tonight and speak to them and sing over them and comfort them and heal them just like You always want to. I invite you to move in them, in me, help me surrender God. I surrender everything I am to You. Everything I have. Everything I ever will be. From my heart, Lord. Show yourself even more real to you.
I rebuke the spirit of depression and sadness that tries to overtake me. God, You are my God and forever I will seek You! In You I find my joy. I love you, I trust you. Be near, in Jesus' Name. Amen.
