The Gloomy Weather

There's nothing like gloomy weather and time alone to really make
you think and question and ultimately, become dissatisfied with
wherever you are. You think, hmm, I've got some time and look
a Victoria's Secret catalog. Lets go through that, look at the surprisingly
ugly grandma sweaters and realize that I will NEVER look like that
and become dissatisfied with issue number 1: Weight and appearance.

We could talk about this topic forever thinking, hmm, the media should
love fat people while doctors are saying, NO! Fat is unhealthy and if you
truly cared about yourself you'd lose weight. So then what is your motivation
to lose weight? Can you? Is it even possible? That's something I ask myself-
do I even have the willpwoer? what's my motivation for doing this? I should
join a gym! But if I do join a gym, will I ever go? My life is full of things I don't
want to do so can I make any time for this extra thing that could probably
ultimately add a few years to my life.
I suppose that's reason enough to do it.

Now, I'm not here to complain. I'm really here to share the deep down desire
I have to sing, to write, to paint and draw, to make music and to give life to
all these thoughts and feelings I have about the world. i have this innate, inherent
desire to put my mark on the world. I can look at whatever I just made and say
YES I did that, That was me. I can translate the insides of me to some medium
on the outside. It's like taking out parts of yourself, examining them and then
deciding how you ultimately want to feel about that thing, idea, fear, thought, dream.

I texted Chris and told him that I just wanted to sing and he said,
"SING SING AND NEVER STOP! Draw and write and play music and sing and never stop!"
That sounds about right. :)

So back to the weight thing- My sister just got me a McGriddle for 560 calories but that will
get eaten by Michael and not by me. :)

*sigh*

I wish I could just do what I want and have it turn out just the right way. :)

God is good!

Cds I want:
Page France - "And the family telephone.." and "Hello, Dear Wind"
Rocky Votolato - "A Brief History" and every album ever.
House of Heroes - "The End is Not the End."
Relient K - "Birds and the Bee Sides"
The Classic Crime - "The Silver Cord"
Jon Foreman - "Spring and Summer" , "Fall and Winter."

:)